This is a free write. This is a free write. This is a free write…JFC my therapist said it would get easier if I just kept my pen to the paper and didn’t judge what I wrote but this is some serious bullshit so far. Fuck I went back and read the beginning again something I wasn’t supposed to do. Looks like I’m just as bad at this freewriting stuff as I am at work as I am at relationships as I am at my intermural kickball league. Is there ever going to be anything I’m good at? I guess my therapist might say that I’m good at therapy since I always do the exercises and take the drugs and cry all through my sessions and then wipe my tears away and say I feel better when really I just want to leave because all the crying has made me feel like I have to pee.
Paragraph break is supposed to be good to separate your thoughts and teach you to leave behind negative thoughts and looking back at that first paragraph, again a no-no, I have primarily negative thoughts. Jay would be so disgusted with me if he ever caught a glimpse at this notebook even though I plan to hide it thoroughly between my cook books and avant-garde play scripts and he never looks there because let’s face it, he doesn’t care about any of my interests. Sometimes I think maybe I should break up with him OK that’s cheating you’re not allowed to cross out but some thoughts should always be below the surface and never come pen to paper because they bring up really bad feelings of abandonment and make me want to crawl into a ball and die. You think whoever started freewriting would know that but whatever they’re rich from inventing it anyway so they don’t care. That’s three pages thank god I’m done for the day.