Believe it or not, these vlogs are getting to be a huge albatross around my neck. Now that so many people are watching them on a daily basis, I can’t just get up and vlog in my pjs with raccoon eyes because I forgot yet again to go to the store and get oil-free eye makeup remover. Now I have to get up at 4:30am just so I can do extreme yoga to bring a flush to my face, then wash my face, spend 20 minutes putting on “natural” makeup and then do my morning vlog in time for all my fans on the East Coast to watch it with their coffee and nod along with me as I point out all the ways that caffeine and aspartame will give us all cancer.
I can’t even freestyle them anymore – I spend hours writing and rewriting, then memorizing and practicing so it seems completely unrehearsed. I slave over diatribes about the importance of drug-free living while popping Alderalls, determined to get just a few more points into my nonsensical argument re: salmon v. tuna? before I start the memorization process. I jump rope and kickbox compulsively, all the while stressing a holistic and soothing approach to overall body fitness as I willingly break my muscles down into a pulp and then refuse to ice, heat, or take ibuprofen. I look better than ever on camera, but only because I’ve gotten more savvy with the lighting in my living room. I think these healthy living vlogs are going to be the end of me.