The people who come in here usually do a pretty serious towel assessment. You want cheap towels, you go to Walmart or Target, spend $3 and call it a day. But we get these goddamn towel connoisseurs who spend 30 minutes feeling each one, rubbing it on their hands and legs and faces and leaving dead skin everywhere trying to get a feel for what these towels would be like in their everyday lives. They consult with whoever they came with, compare prices across brands and sizes and colors, and yet 85% of the time they decide to go with white. And I can hear what they’re thinking: white goes with everything, it will brighten up the tiny galley bathroom in my 600 square foot one bedroom, make it look bigger, make the pea green tile seem more like kelly and less vomit-inducing for houseguests, it will make my bathroom seem like the modern, cool place that I envisioned my bathroom would be when I was 8 and first pictured my adult living space. Yet not a single one of them seems to know exactly how much dirt and shit and makeup and grime is on their face constantly. I know, because after a few people have sampled the white towels I have to take them and throw them away because they’re so grubby. But a majority of customers seem to think that they carry no disease, have no dirt caked under their fingernails and rubby eye liner and too-dark bronzer. They take the white towels home then bring them back betrayed when after one or two uses, they start to turn off-white, then blotchy white, then gray. And they make the bathroom send off a whole different message about the kind of person who lives there. So these people bring them back, demand their money, and choose black towels, convincing themselves that our white towels are just of poor quality, black says I am an adult with bold ideas and thoughts, and that it’s certainly not their own filth that’s making it hard to see an accurate reflection in the bathroom mirror.
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- The Huntington Ladies’ Book Club – February Meeting
- Pickle the Cheetah
- Karen the Personal Trainer
- Morton the Worm at the Usury Office
- My 5 Favorite Musicals and Why, By Carla Cioca:
- Mumu the Irrelevant Mime
- Tiny Tim – Post Revisted
- Ten Prior Moments that led Jenna to this Point:
- The O. Henry Affair
- Ben’s Night Out