Tyler the Frat Pledge

David and GoliathThis is the perfect rock for Joey Transom.  It’s almost flat, so I can sling it, but it’s also thick enough that I can really throw hard it without worrying about compensating for wind.  The second he comes out of the back of the library he’s getting it in the head.  I’m sure people can see me up in this bush, it’s not the grassy knoll of anything, but at this point that’s kind of irrelevant to me.  The frat brothers will chew me out and make me drink Mad Dogs until I puke my guts up again, but it will be worth it if I can even clip Joey in the face, or the arm, or something so I can feel like I did something, I took a stand and said leave my roommate alone, even if he’s gay there’s no reason for you to spit on him like you did the other night at Sig Ep, and if you ever do it again the rock will be a lot bigger and a lot heavier, you douche.  You might be rich and from Connecticut, but I’m from Kansas and I doubt you got into many rock fights in Fairfield when you were little.  I was practically born with a rock in my hand, throwing them before I could even walk.  My grandma used to call me her little David, always trying to go after bigger people with my rocks.  My aim has gotten real good since middle school, too, and I don’t even need my slingshot to get maximum velocity anymore.  Joey would know all this stuff if he ever talked to me during hazing, but instead he just acted like he was too good for me, with my accent and my t-shirts and my jeans – sorry, no one I know wears collared shirts and khakis to hang out in a dirty frat house!  OK – the class is letting out.  Good thing he’s such a hound and he’ll be trailing after the crowd of them, probably hitting on the teacher again.  Shouldn’t be too hard for me to take this giant down, let him know that David’s in town and he needs to LOOK OUT!

This entry was posted in Athletics, Competition, Monologue, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

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