That’s the best she can come up with? Calling Mom an asshole? If I did that Dad wouldn’t get a call at the office – he wouldn’t know anything about it until the next time we went to family therapy. But since she’s “normal” and it’s not part of her makeup, Dad comes home early and Mom cries and Avi apologizes and then cries and everyone has a cathartic experience. When I call Mom an asshole everyone just looks away and winces, or maybe sighs but low enough so I can’t hear it so I don’t think they’re expressing disapproval. Or if it is disapproval, it’s only for the existence of assholes and Tourette’s in general rather than me in particular. If today’s use of the word asshole has taught me anything at all, it’s that Avi has a frightening low level of creativity. How hard it is to use profanity to get attention when that’s all you’ve seen your sibling do since you were two years old? I bet Mom and Dad tonight are going to talk about how she learned the word from me, and even though it’s not my fault, maybe it would be best if I were sent off to a special school or something until Avi is old enough to know that I’m not the kind of older sister you want to emulate. I could save them the trouble and tell that that she already knows that and what she really wants out of this whole deal is a new jean skirt, but I’d probably call someone an asshole in the middle of the explanation and negate whatever eloquence I might have been able to manage up to that point.
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- The Huntington Ladies’ Book Club – February Meeting
- Pickle the Cheetah
- Karen the Personal Trainer
- Morton the Worm at the Usury Office
- My 5 Favorite Musicals and Why, By Carla Cioca:
- Mumu the Irrelevant Mime
- Tiny Tim – Post Revisted
- Ten Prior Moments that led Jenna to this Point:
- The O. Henry Affair
- Ben’s Night Out